Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
