I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
That reminds me...we need to get swords
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
