why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
