You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
