My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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