He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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