I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
