question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
