chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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