I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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