"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
