She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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