I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
