i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
