If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
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The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
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I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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