i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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