I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
