You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
