I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
