Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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