So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
