im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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