So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
