What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Your penis caused this!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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