I just made out with a guy for $7.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
