hell yes lets make some ravioli
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
