Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
