his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
