Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
