theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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