So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
