your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
