i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
