If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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