I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
