I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
How naked do you want me to be?
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