Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
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