if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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