hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
