i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
