At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
