if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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