Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
