I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
