people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
