I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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