Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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