one might say we're banned from that church
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
