Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize