my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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