Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
