He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
