its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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