I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
