I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The best revenge is premature balding
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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