from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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