i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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