Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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