I like to think it a success when the cops are called
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
