I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
