my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She needs sedatives and a leash
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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