Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
