terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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