Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
