new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
