but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
