why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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