she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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