Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
