I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
