k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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