it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
